sorry i haven't been around here much

motivation for writing here is flagging for some reason.

but i do have some news(!) - i got my first climbing harness a few weekends ago and i got to use it last Wednesday; there is a group of people from school who head out to Golden and go climbing up there once a week so, hopefully, i can make another trip out tomorrow. i confess i'm not that good, but i do like it and i think i can get better pretty quickly. Maybe my plan B for life can be professional climbing, hahaha.

secondly, the lease on my crappy apartment is up in about 6 weeks! So i am looking for a new place to live - it's still too far out for craigslist stuff, but i am using roommates.com to look for a place. i am trying to find some roommates, some people to share a little bit of life with, but i'm not holding my breath. i had originally thought that i could hook something up through church but i have faced a dilemma there lately too: I can either spend weekends with real friends up in Northern Colorado or I can try and put down roots here at the church I've found. Unfortunately, I have been unable to do both. So, yeah, doesn't look like church is going to work out as a realtor. but that's ok, maybe next year.

things in lab are moving slowly, i won't bore you with more than that. Comp's are already on the radar (typically held in Nov-Dec) so that's not fun, but they are kinda required so I guess I had better not ignore them. I passed prelim's with flying colors (despite some really nasty grades from a couple of faculty who shall remain nameless).

not quite ready for the publisher

(like they ever will be *snicker*) but, i've been working on some of the half-assed poems i've posted up here and i think they're getting rather good. here they (all) are - didn't rework all of them, just the first two. and the last one. i like the others as they are (input welcome):

"Exactly How Long Is A Year?"

"The House of Sand And Fog"

"haiku.ish"

"Hope"

"Doubt"

"Fight"

"The End of Summer"

"Autumn"

and if i can find my scribblings, i have another one for you I'm calling "Arena" but right now I can't find the scrap of paper I started it on nor do I remember how it starts, so, who knows

don't waste your time

with that misogynistic bullshit i mentioned earlier ("The Lie") - what a waste of my life, reading that book. The deepest insight it has into humanity is that there are a lot of selfish people in the world willing to do anything to increase their level of creature comforts. I denounce and reject that life and lifestyle.

"A Fire Upon the Deep," however, is shaping up to be a good piece of work - there is actually ingenuity there and insight into humanity as well as some good ol' adventurin' - good stuff (why is it that the only books i like happen to be sci fi novels? - not just any sci fi, mind you, but the good stuff)

bought a new book

book shopping is not straightforward like, say, shopping for a shirt or a tie is. there is no particular color to look for, no single cut that looks good on you, no single font that simply 'does it' for me, no one publisher that i can rely on to consistently find and produce quality work. i know i am looking for a good book. not a funny book, not a cute book, not a book about three generations of women and how they manage to eat baked potatoes twice a week or whatever mindless bullshit fills the pages of that tripe. not a book about aliens and princesses and sorcerers and bionic commandoes or besieged rulers or ancient cities. i am SICK of the molds, sick of the formulas and the patterns and all the worthless dross that moulds upon the shelves of pretty much any bookstore anymore. no more books about angsty suburban teenagers or brave American pioneers or cliche traveling novels. I have had it with overpriced 19th-century doorstops soaked in opium so thick and heavy they should be marketed as a therapy for insomnia. I want a book with a voice, I want an author with balls. I want a book that is going to forcibly rip my mind from my skull, spin it around and hurl it into a universe so completely unlike our own that my words cease to relay any kind of relevant information about it. I want an author who can cut all the bullshit about people out of a discussion on humanity and produce an actual insight. I want an author who doesn't rely on sex and guns to build tension, who doesn't dangle a character in front of mortal danger to get you to turn to the next chapter. i want a freaking wordsmith. i want a genius.

i got "The Lie" by Chad Kultgen & "A Fire Upon the Deep" by Vernor Vinge... we'll see how they go

Update: "The Lie" is NOT what i was looking for, it is a misogynistic sledgehammer of cynicism and hatred; instead of releasing me from the sick sick games of our world, it has drug me down into their depths. i do not recommend it. i am hoping it will redeem itself in the end, but i'm not holding my breath

pics from da trip

Summer of Sky '09

one down, one to go

feel pretty good about it, too

PRELIMINARY EXAMS

so prelims - or at least the first day of them - are tomorrow. and even though i'm not freaking out about it right now, you just watch, i'll be back here in about 4 or 5 hours griping about how i can't sleep. though i do have a plan for that: take drugs, then go to sleep. drugs like antihistamines haha, not opiates. anyway, yeah, i've been studying for quite a while now and i feel like i've got a pretty good foundation and that things will go well; of course that's me trying to read the future and read the minds of instructors writing the questions so i could be way off since these question could go in an infinite number of directions, but i don't really think it even matters that much either way - if i fail, i get out of the grueling life of a grad student and i am free to go do something else, if i pass i get to pursue this amazing opportunity to use my mind to help others and (cross your fingers and toes and any sticks you can find laying around) make a positive impact in this world (Lord knows it needs it).

i still have my frustrations with this whole life(style) - i am not doing it right and the rub is that things don't have to be like this: there are no rules that say i need to be isolated from other people or not volunteering or not building relationships yet i fail to do those things and it really bothers me. i need to stop whining about it and just do something about it. so, internet, hold me to it; if i haven't started getting involved in some capacity somewhere by the end of July, give me the third degree - take away my webcomics or something.

there's also no rule that i have to put myself under as much pressure as i do, but i do. chalk it up to low self-esteem, i guess... or fear... yeah, don't know how i'm going to tackle that one...

pretty stoked about this next week - brothers should be here friday night, then it's party time. i am a little concerned our hiking trails are going to be mud pits what with all the rain we've been having but at this point i don't care. i promise to take pictures and post them.

k, bye innernets

p.s. oh yeah, my computer has recently decided it hates me and the display is starting to act up - i can't really explain it except there's like static in this one chunk of the screen all the time and it's not dead pixels 'cause they move and it's not that the color is off or anything, i really have no idea what is wrong with it, but i feel insulted; like, "really? could you PICK a better time to break on me? right before this huge exam?" stupid machine